Boy I feel like a bad mom tonight =) - his new "sleep times"

KatieLeigh79 wrote: Its breaking my heart the doctor gave me a routine to put him into so that we get more then a half hour of sleep a night, i put him down in the morning after every 2 hours of playing for an hour so that he gets at least the recommended during the day (he hates his crib so he just screams and spits up hysterical the entire time) then at night you let him cry 3 hours at a time then feed him for 30 and put him back and do that from 7 to 7am and its supposed to put them on a routine that will start giving you at least 4 hours of sleep a night - its only the first day though and last time i went to go feed him he looked at me so hysterical it broke my heart... this is going to be the hardest week of my life

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am not a doc but have you tried everything else??? Co-sleeping?? I could NOT do what you have to do. Noway possible. I know it's very hard in the beginning but I just couldnt hold out. My prayers are with you.

KatieLeigh79 replied: Husband refuses to let us co-sleep, though i had mentioned it because i wanted to he said that a baby will never learn to sleep on its own that way, aside from everything i shown him .. the poor little guy is still crying the dr said her son cried 8 hours straight the first night but now is in a perfect pattern.. sounds slightly like training a dog, its sort of disturbing

MomofTay&Sam replied: I am going to hold back and let some others reply. I just could not do it. God bless you and your heart going thru this. 1 hour would be so extreme to me I would loose it. Maybe have a talk with hubby?? This can't be good on any of you guys.

Kaitlin'smom replied: oh my I could not do that! My DH is scared of co-sleeping so fortunally we have a full size bed in her room so for the first 2 months I would sleep with her just so I could get some sleep. The I slowly stoped now I only sleep with her to BF if I am extreamly tired and have to work the next day.

What is the problem with the sleeping? I dunno if you posted it sometime and I just missed it or having mommy brain.

KatieLeigh79 replied: I normally get 45 mins max a night with him, no matter what i try to do to get him to sleep the only way i found it works now is if i sleep on the couch with him on my chest - DH rolls in bed a lot at night and is afraid also that he will hurt him, and we have a bassinet in there we got just for that main reason and he wont sleep in that either - the dr keeps telling me though it will only be about a week and he will get used to it, i just keep bawling my eyes out so bad i want to go in there and just hold him, earlier when i got him to feed him (after one of the one hour deals) he looked at me so hysterical i just sat there and bawled along with him, the poor little guy hardly has a voice left - everyone keeps saying a lot of parents do this to get them used to sleeping, you can't tell me that - i feel about as low as they go on the food chain atm

amynicole21 replied: I know a lot of people believe in the Cry It Out method and say it works well, but I can't imagine ever having to do it myself. It really sounds to me like co-sleeping is what your son needs. He needs to be near you so that he is comforted. Could you put a mattress on the floor in his room and sleep with him there? Doctors don't know everything... keep that in mind. Whatever you decide, I hope that you and your baby are sleeping blissfully soon!

Kaitlin'smom replied: aww I am soo sorry, I just found the other post and was reading that. Honslty I would probably hold him. I cant stand hearing her cry, I do let her fuss before I jump, I will waite to see if she really needs me. Have youtried swaddling him? I swaddled Kaitlin for about 4 months or so in order for her to learn to sleep by herself. It took me a while to get the hang of it but I did and it worked for me.

how old is he?

I hope if you continue on this it will only be a couple days and then he will be used to it. Big hugs to you!

KatieLeigh79 replied: The poor little guy is only 6 weeks old, they wanted me to start at 4 - but i had only been home with him 2 weeks at that time ... We tried swaddling, he gets so mad he just kicks all the blankets off - he also has reflux though so it disturbs me because everything he eats before i lay him down to try and sleep all get spit back up because in his anger he just can't keep it in his tummy - i hope in 30 mins when i go back up to try and feed him again DH realizes what a big mistake this is.

Kaitlin'smom replied: awww Kaitlin used to also kick the blankets off until I learned to swaddle her tight so she could not do that then she was fine.

I will also say 6 weeks is in my opinion just to early to try and let him cry it out! He needs you and if he has reflux he might be hurting and just wan to be comforted. Hang in there it will get better.

mckayleesmom replied: I read an article by a doctor once that said you should never let a baby cry themselves to sleep cause they wake up feeling the same as a full grown person that cries themselves to sleep ( I know most woman have cried themselves to sleep once or twice as a teenager). Then if they wake up feeling groggy and headachy they just stay cranky all the time. I don't care what a doctor tells me,,I couldn't stand to let her keep crying . I don't jump right away to get her, but I will give her about 10 minutes....Have you tried putting a tv in his room and leaving it on? Mckaylee will wake up and cry if the tv goes off cause she knows we left the room without her, but she will sleep all night if the country music channel stays on....Why country music?..because it is the only channel that plays music as well as infomercials at night.

ediep replied: AAWWEEE!! I feel for you, I really do....those first few weeks (months) are very tough. I remember being so sleep deprived that I would cry at the drop of a hat. I don't really agree with the CIO method that you doc suggested, but if you have tried EVERYTHING else then, that might be your only hope. It is important to make sure that he isn't sleeping all day, that he eats enough all day (every 2-4 hours), sometimes with Jason if I went out or took him for a walk that helped to tire him out a bit. Try a bedtime routine and stick to it every night. I read 3 really helpful books that you might want to pick up...No cry sleep solutions, healthy sleep habits happy baby, and the baby whisperer. They are aewsome!!

Good Luck!!

supermom replied: No, I can't say that I would do it either - or that I even could do it, whether or not my ped recommended it.

I won't say too much more, I really don't want to upset you, but please, PLEASE read these articles on the CIO (Cry It Out) method - Then if you feel that is the only way for you to deal with it, then go for it.

I just know that it is something I could never bring myself to do.....BTDT and couldn't stand it - didn't get any extra sleep either from either the crying or the guilt.

From Kelly Mom:AP
Comfort Nursing

Reflections

Other sites:
Don't Let Your Baby Cry It Out

What's Wrong With Letting Them Cry It Out?

I hope I didn't come across too badly, and if I did, I do apologize, but your little guy is very very young to even consider this.....

And also GREAT BIG to you!!!

Jamison'smama replied: Okay, this is my first post but I wanted to add in my 2 cents---I lurk on this board a lot and there are some really smart mamas here. I agree that 6 weeks is very young for the cry it out method--if you want to do that method at all--my daughter is 9 months and we co-sleep for now. In the first few weeks and months the babies are learning to trust us--that we will be there when we need them, My DH was nervous about co-sleeping but I read a lot from Dr. Sears and we bought a snuggle nest --it is a little bed-type thing you put in the bed between you and your DH--it has 3 very short hard sides that keep you from rolling over on the baby but still allows you to reach in and comfort him as he is sleeping--you may want to check them out--we bought ours at a local baby store but I have seen them a lot of places. You are supposed to be able to transfer the whole snuggle nest to the crib when you decide not to co-sleep anymore and it makes the transition easier. We used it for a little while, then my DH slept in another room---now we are one big cozy family---sorry to ramble but I could tell you are hurting and I hope you find your solution soon--remember, you are given mothering instincts for a reason--follow your heart and you cannot go wrong.

hugs to you

Mommieto2Girls replied: It's awful you are still going through this, and I hope you get some sleep soon. Here are my suggestions, How does he sleep in his car seat? Madison slept in her carseat for the first 2 weeks home, and she slept 4 hours at a time. Then I went to toy r us and got a bassinet, bouncer in one, and it vibrates and has a over head mobile on it . I love it and she slept in that until she was 6 months old. The great thing about it also was that you can strap baby in on their back and they can't roll over and it stays at a incline so if she would spit up she wasn't laying flat on her back, to me I think it was safer. Are you putting rice cereal in the bottles for the reflux? or are you bf? If you are bf , maybe at night before you go to bed you could offer a bottle with rice cereal in it to help keep the milk down and maybe you could get some rest?

MommyToAshley replied: Oh, HUGS to you KatieLeigh!

It was recommended to me by my Ped that I let Ashley CIO at 4 months, so I read everything I could on it. I researched both sides ... those for CIO and those against. I couldn't do it, but I am not going to be judgemental of anyone that does. Every parent has their own parenting style. However, I have to agree with the other Mommies here that 6 weeks is too young. The CIO method is actually called the Ferber method and he recommends not doing it until 6 months of age. The reason for this is that babies digest food, especially BM, very quickly and wake up hungry, but by the age of 6 months, they should no longer be waking up because of hunger. If they wake up during the night after 6 months of age, it is behavioral, and then you have to decide how you are going to handle it.

Ashley also suffered from reflux. That is another reason I did not want to CIO. Since you have a bassinete, have you tried purchasing one of the wedges that elevates the baby to a 45 degree angle which will help with reflux? Also, when you swaddle him, do you tuck his arms in? When Ashley was small, she would not sleep unless her arms were swaddled in the blanket as well. Maybe if he feels more secure in the bassinette and you elevate him for the reflux then he might sleep better in the bassinete and you won't have to co-sleep. The bassinete M2M described might work great too.

maestra replied: Could I suggest a compromise that my dh and I use?

I don't really like co-sleeping for us either- we have a small bed and I end up really sore in the am. So what we do is this- I nurse Jaci in bed until she is really sound asleep, then dh moves her to her crib. When she cries, I go get her, put her in bed with me to nurse, then again, when she is sound alseep we move her. We try to get to her right away when she starts crying, as if we let her really wake herself up it takes longer for her to go back to sleep.

Just my

Good luck!

CantWait replied: hugs to you KatieLeigh.....I don't think I could handle letting my baby cry it out, it would probably break my heart as is yours. All I can say is good luck and I hope you find something that works for all of you so you can get some rest, get into a routine, and be happy with your new bundle.

MomToMany replied: Oh, tons of to you!!! I agree with most everybody here-6 weeks is just too young to cry it out. I could never do it; babies are looking to their parents for comfort. There's got to be something else that will work instead of letting him cry it out. I know I've had to sleep in the recliner with Hannah for a long while. It was the only way she would stay asleep. DH didn't like the idea of co-sleeping either, but I still do it now and then so I can actually lay down to get some sleep. She's just started sleeping through the night at 14 months old, but I'm still mainly BFing her. It sounds like your little guy just wants to be near you! PLEASE don't do what that Dr. said; like you said, it sounds a little disturbing. Try everything else people have suggested here before doing that (hopefully you won't have to).

Lots more for you!

Kaitlin'smom replied: so KaiteLeigh How did it go last night with the CIO?

everyone here is so suportive of finding something that works for you. It also appears that most of us dont like the CIO method. The other things i had to do for Kaitlin was after i swaddled her I out her in one of the zip blankets, that was a huge help! If she managed to get loose and she was not it in she would wake up, but when I out her in it she would stay asleep longer. Also she likes music I have now gotten to where I can set it to go off after an hour, but befor I had to either leave that on all night or the sound machine with ocean playing. I think she liked the ocean cause I listined to it while PG so I could relax. I hope you do find what works for you, and you get some rest.

Kirstenmumof3 replied: Here's giving you the strength to make it through the week! I hope it doesn't take that long for him to figure out his new routine!

Schnoogly replied: I know I'm late to this but let me say very strongly---CIO does NOT work with high needs babies!!! Also, putting her on a schedule is going to RUIN your milk supply, and you are already having trouble with it. Oh I HATE it when docs give parenting advice like this--please please trust your instincts, don't do this!

I'm really saying this because we went through the exact same thing and I know for sure that it wouldn't have worked for us. Co-sleeping was the only way he would sleep. Have you tried what my DH and I did, which is to take shifts? My DH kept Iain downstairs, holding him on his chest to sleep, until midnight when he went to sleep on the spare bed. Then I took Iain, co-slept (but woke up frequently to nurse). Maybe ask your DH if he is willing to try this? Or try co-sleeping?? It really will get better--just tell him that you need to get through these first few months.

I'm so sorry, I really know what this is like, but CIO (as you probably figured out last night) won't work for HN babies, whether 6 weeks or 6 months or 6 years old. They don't self-soothe, their crying just escalates and it won't stop. Besides the loss of trust that you will suffer, it isn't worth it. I really do understand what you're going through, we went through the same thing!!

Hugs!!!

Steph

Schnoogly replied: Also, have you seen this hammock deal? It bounces up and down, which is the motion high needs babies love. DS is sleeping in it right now and I wish I had gotten it months ago! You could put it right next to your bed. I know it's costly but it seems like you're willing to try anything!!

Amby baby hammocks

Also, on the swaddling, it does take a little while to get used to it. How tightly are you doing it? You have to do it pretty tight. Don't just swaddle and lay him down, swaddle, pick him up, hold him tight and walk around really fast, bounce him a little. Let him calm down while you're holding him, maybe go to sleep while you're holding him so he forgets he's swaddled. Then maybe you can lay him down. Or nurse while he's swaddled, then he might forget about it!

I can't repeat enough--motion motion motion!!! We have an exercise ball (one of those big "balance" or physical therapy balls--got at sportmart for $20) which I sit on, hold him, and bounce. This helps him go to sleep.

But he would only sleep on my chest, DH's chest, or right next to me (in my armpit) in bed until we got the hammock, so I really know what you're going through. It sounds like you need your DH to understand that your baby is different from other babies--he NEEDS you more. This doesn't mean you're spoiling him or that he's manipulating you. Get the Fussy Baby book by Dr. Sears and make your DH read it. It's all about high needs babies. They are wonderful but a challenge!

More hugs!!

Steph

maliksmommy replied: I am so sorry you are having to go through this We have just recently started laying Malik down and letting him put his self back to sleep but I don't ever let him cry more that 30 min. and luckily we have never gotten to this point. I know a lot of people don't agree with CIO and while we are doing it so he gets used to going to sleep on his own rather than being rocked to sleep every night, I don't think I could ever go for 3 hours. Malik is 10 months old though. I really hope last night went better. I have a friend that had the exact same problem as you so I am going to email her and find out what worked for them and hopefully she has some other ideas that haven't already been suggested. There are some great women on here that really know their stuff and Dr.'s aren't always right. HUGE HUGS TO YOU!!!!!!!