Anyone else? - lack of help from spouse

mom89 wrote: Anyone else with a spouse/so who doesn't help out with the kids? Or even just a little?
Mine doesn't. We have 4. ages 11,8,5 and almost 2. He doesn't help out at. all.
I always have to get the younger ones ready for bed-whether he's here or not. I always have to bathe them,and whenever the older ones get their report cards,he doesn't show any interest in them. When my 8yo graduated from kindergarten dh wasn't interested in the graduation and missed it:( he wasn't even interested in seeing the diploma(cute!)
Ugh! Whens he EVER going to wisen up and realize they're not going to be kids forever!

Btw,he DOES love them-he just has a hard time showing it. He is a good guy; he makes enough for me to stay home and he doesn't abuse us in any way
He just doesn't have a clue when it comes to parenting. *sigh*
Oh and since he's a perfectionist and a technical person,he seems to think he's RIGHT! Grrr
Sorry,had to get this off my chest.

Mommy2BAK replied: I definately know the feeling!

annafrombc replied: Well, my DH was useless the first 3 months and he does TRY now a bit more. I also posted about this here:
http://forums.parentingclub.com/index.php?showtopic=16634
Men are often not very good at parenting (not all of them of course, but there are a few out there).
Do you ever talk to him about this??
What does he say>??


ANNA

gr33n3y3z replied: My Hubby helps with everything

kileyjae replied: I'm so sorry.

Actually, DH did all the laundry today and is now cooking dinner.

And, when DS2 was a toddler. his Dad was in and out of jail and I pretty much did it all anyway.

(Not that I was lounging around and eating bon bons all day...I cleaned the livingroom, rearranged, vaccuumed, and steam cleaned the carpet. I even, *gasp* dusted!! LOL)

mom89 replied: Thanks everybody. Like I said,he's a good guy,but parenting just isn't one of his strong points. lol
I guess I should just be grateful he isn't abusive to us.

And yes,I have talked to him about it but,I always yell instead of talking to him rationally about it,lol its hard not to!

mammag replied: Mine is so-so. He helps as far as watching them so I can run to the store and that kind of stuff or if I tell him to help with something in particular but not with baths or cooking and the like......definitely not laundry. He trys.....

loveydad replied: Well I'm the husband (actually i'm sort of the boyfreind) and I do ALL the work. So men can do it.

mom89 replied: Thanks Loveydad--its good to hear what you guys think
Btw,whenever I read a reply from you- I always hear Homers voice

loveydad replied: That's not really fair. Before Tav I did all the work. She's helping me now and it's a huge relief.

Really? I need to change my avatar then! LOL . Homer's so funny.

ammommy replied: Thankfully, DH is pretty good about pitching in, although it goes in cycles. When I feel overwhelmed, it's usually because I've gotten in the habit of doing it all or DH is fried after a particularly stressful stint at work and just doesn't have the energy. I try my hardest to calmly ask for help (or insist upon it) and that usually works.
Does your Dh parent the way his father did? That was a hard habit for my DH to break. He's definately more hands on than his father was. It's actually pretty hard for guys right now because, for the most part, they didn't have great role models as far as being really hands on with the kids. Think back to the role your father had in your life. I probably would have insisted that he attend the K-graduation, though. Just ask as calmly as possible what memories does he want his kids to have? Dad showing an interest and being there or Dad always being off to the side. That might put it in perspective for him.

My2Beauties replied: Oh no hon I am really sorry that you are dealing with this! Well here is the thing, my DF is good about playing with Hanna and Desiree and making them laugh and showing up for special events (softball games, talent shows, etc..) however when it comes to the daily routine, changing, baths, etc...he doesn't do much of it!!! I don't complain too much because his work is tiring, but sometimes when he just falls asleep on the couch at 7:00 pm I'm like wake your butt up and do something! Grrr!!!

As far as him not going to their graduation Shame on him!!! He needs to go to those sorts of things!

aspenblue1 replied: I am sorry.


My DH had not choice. He was home with her 2 days a week so he learned really quickly how to take care of here.

Have you tried talking to him about it asking him to be more involved.